


Soon I'll Have To Go

by k_howard_is_here



Series: Twist of Fate [2]
Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Character Death, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hospitalization, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-12-01 22:56:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20926130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/k_howard_is_here/pseuds/k_howard_is_here
Summary: She was unbreakable, with a heart of stone.





	Soon I'll Have To Go

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired to write a modern twist on each of the Queens' stories and this is what has happened.  
A word of warning that all my works in this series contain heavy topics. Please read the tags with each one before reading.
> 
> This is also my first foray into fic writing for Six so comments/feedback is always welcome!
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr - sixqueendom

There it was again.

In the darkness, the bright, bubbly laughter of a child in the distance. Every time she heard it, her heart soared. She yearned to chase it, to follow it to where it led. Unrestrained and joyful, it lifted her spirits. It gave her hope.

It brought images of the seaside; the waves lapping at her feet, her toes burrowing in the soft sand, the salty wind whipping her fair hair. Hearing the delightful shriek of children playing, she turned and watched as a small group tried to run away from the tide, clumsily falling into the sand and squealing as they got splashed by the surf. One of the boys caught her eye and gave a wave.

Then, a single word broke through it all.

“Mummy!”

Her eyes flew open. She blinked several times, trying to focus. Finally, her eyes fell on the most perfect sight.

“Mummy, I drew you a picture!”

A smile immediately broke on her face, her cheeks instantly brightening. There it was again, that familiar giggle, as the little boy proudly showed off his artwork, a proud grin plastered on his face.

Her son. Her world.

Her little Eddie.

Gingerly propping herself up with a pillow, Jane beckoned her son closer. “Come and let Mummy see then.”

As he snuggled in to her chest, she breathed in the biscuit scent of his hair; she suspected he’d been baking with grandma in the kitchen again. Taking in the colourful drawing, she could decipher a red crab with eight stick legs and a stick man wielding a weapon.

“That’s me!” Eddie proudly declared, pointing to the crude stick figurine. “I’m fighting the crab.”

Jane chuckled. “Is this from our last trip to the rockpool?”

She loved taking Eddie to the beach to run free and explore. He’d been fascinated by all his findings at the rockpool and had surprised her with a bucketful of starfish, crabs and snails. His prized discovery had been a large crab, which he had handled so carefully, yet was given a small pinch for his curiosity.

Eddie frowned and shook his head vigorously. “No! Miss Harwood was teaching us about star signs. She said the crab was cancer. So, I’m fighting it, because cancer is bad.” He looked up at her with his big brown eyes. “It made you sick.”

A lump formed in Jane’s throat.

Just then, her flustered mother, Margery, bustled in.

“Oh, thank goodness!” she sighed in relief, her eyes finding Eddie on the bed. “Honestly, he is too clever! He knows the way around this hospital better than any of the nurses I think!”

Another hearty giggle bubbled from Eddie’s lips and, with that, Jane relaxed and laughed too, brushing away his scruffy brown hair from his eyes. How she loved his cheeky, adventurous ways.

“Running away from grandma, were you?”

“No!” Eddie exclaimed. “I just wanted to see you!”

Margery sunk into the seat by her bedside, folding her hands into her lap. Jane could tell she was hiding something. She stroked Eddie’s hair gently.

“What is it, Mum?” Jane cringed at her own tired voice, faint and weak.

Margery gave a despondent sigh, her eyes dropping to the floor. “Henry passed by this morning.”

* * *

Henry. His very name caused tears to prick her eyes. Her beloved husband who she had been nothing but devoted to since the day they got married. When Eddie was born, after years of trying, they felt complete: the perfect family. And they had been, for a while. Then, they’d received the devastating news that threatened everything: Jane was diagnosed with stage three non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. At the beginning, he had been incredibly supportive, but it wasn’t long before the cracks in their relationship began to show. Kit hadn’t deeply concerned her; it was inevitable that her ill health was going to be a challenging time for them both. They had coped the best they could and had both been relieved and overjoyed when Jane was declared cancer-free. For a year, Jane had enjoyed a healthy life with her husband and son. Everything had gone back to normal, like nothing had ever happened.

Then, she’d relapsed.

The cracks reappeared and, before long, they deepened into fractures. The foundations of their relationship began to fall away, piece by piece, with every quarrel. Henry became distant and didn’t bring Eddie with him on visits as often as he had before. Jane desperately wanting to see him, to hold him, missing him terribly during her longer hospital stays. When she was at home, between treatments, they had fought frequently, mostly about Eddie’s welfare. All the while, she had stayed strong, tried to understand him. To reason with him. One night, however, it had been the final straw.

“I just wish you’d bring him more! Even just to the chemotherapy sessions, to take my mind off things. I could still read to him.”

“It’s not fair for Eddie to see this happen all over again, to see you ill! He’s just got used to having his mother back, for goodness sake!” he’d cried, his face flushed red with anger. “He’s just a kid, Jane! He doesn’t need to see this!”

Jane had cried across the kitchen counter.

“Of course it’s not fair! Do you seriously think I want my son to see me ill? I want nothing, nothing, more than to shield him from all that. No mother wants her child to see her like that.”

Jane wiped at her tears. “I just…I just miss him. He makes me feel better. Please, just let me see him more at the hospital.”

Henry had shaken his head, placing his palms down firmly onto the counter.

“It isn’t good, Jane. This will be tougher on him this time around. And, also for me.”

Jane had suddenly felt sorry for him, having to take the weight of it all on his shoulders. She’d approached and drawn him into a hug.

“Hey,” she drew him close, her voice soft, resting her cheek on his shoulder. “We’ll get through this. We did it before, we can do it again. We’re going to fight this.”

But she’d felt him tense, felt his strong arms pull her away. Seeing the rage in his eyes, she had retreated to the corner of the room.

“I don’t think I can do this again!” he’d bellowed, slamming his fist on the counter, making Jane flinch. “It broke me, Jane. I hated seeing you so frail.”

Then, he’d delivered the fatal blow.

“It’s not right that Eddie should constantly be in a hospital with his sick mother! He should be out being a kid, kicking a football around the park, playing with his friends. instead of sitting watching his mother die!”

Time had stood still then. It was like a stab in the heart. Jane had gasped, her mouth quivering as she shook her head vigorously, as if doing so would shake away what he’d just said. He hadn’t meant it, it had just slipped out. But, as she told herself those words, her legs crumbled beneath her and she’d sunk to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. Because it could be true, it could happen. And they very thought terrified her. 

Henry had done nothing. He had just stood stock still and stared. After a few moments, he grabbed his coat, before declaring  
  
“I can’t do this again.”

Then, he had walked out, slamming the door.

* * *

Her mother took her hand.

  
  
“Jane…”

“No, Mum, I don’t want to talk about it.”

Jane clamped her eyes shut, trying to keep the tears at bay as she felt her throat constrict, her stomach twist. Henry had abandoned her when she’d needed him the most. The last drug trial had failed. There was talks of another drug that had been heralded with a huge success rate, prolonging life for an average of five years. It had given her hope that she could survive for another few years, to watch Eddie grow and reach those important milestones. She desperately wanted to see the first time riding his bike without stabilisers, to share his first visit from the tooth fairy, to spoil him at Christmas. But doctors gave the devastating news that the drug was not yet available in England under the NHS. By the time they could potentially organise funds privately, Jane would be lucky to still be here. They had started, with Jane’s mother and father setting up a fundraising campaign online, but the outlook was bleak. Jane was no longer responding to treatment. She was riddled with cancer, and it was winning. It broke her heart.

She had always been determined to get better, to win the battle again. For Eddie.

She brushed away a stray tear and looked at her son. He was perfect. She adored his sweet and gentle personality, loving to hold her hand and giving her hugs. When she was extra fragile after chemo, he was always extra gentle, often snuggling up beside her in bed on those days when she couldn’t lift her head from the pillow. He was outgoing, adventurous, always running into things head-first. Eddie was brave.

But Henry was right, he should be allowed to be a child. Jane glanced at her mother.

“Why don’t you take him to the park to play for a bit?”

Margery tilted her head. “Are you alright, love?”

Jane nodded slowly. “I just think Eddie has spent a lot of time here lately. He needs to have some fun.”

At that, her mother simply nodded and stood. She planted a kiss on her daughter’s head, giving her hand a gently squeeze. “We won’t be too long,” she whispered in her ear. She turned and headed to the door.

“Come on then, Eddie! Let’s go feed some ducks for Mummy!”

As Eddie lifted his head from her chest, Jane held her breath. She paused, bracing herself. Because she had the strange urge to tell him. She clasped her hands around his beautiful face so he looked into her eyes, so she could look into his.

“Eddie, you know Mummy will always be here for you, don’t you? I’ll be by your side, no matter what.”

She kissed him gently on the head as he gave a tiny nod.

“I love you, sweetheart.”

Eddie beamed, that joyful smile that could brighten a whole room. He took her hands; held them tight, giving them a big squeeze.

“I love you too, Mummy.”

And, with that, he skipped out the room. Jane watched him go, a smile firmly on her lips as her head sunk back against the pillow and she drifted back off to sleep.

* * *

As she closed her eyes once more, she waited for that precious sound. But when she heard it this time, she was no longer shrouded in darkness. Her vision filled with a bright glow of white light. As the laughter got louder, the light dimmed, enough for Jane to see where she was. She was standing, dressed in a flowing white gown, in a long white-washed corridor. It was cold and quiet, as the laughter faded away. When she heard it again, floating towards her, Jane looked up. There, at the end of the corridor was Eddie, grinning. She smiled. As she took a step forward, she felt light, like she was walking on air. She felt free.

As she got closer, Eddie held out an outstretched hand.

“Come on, Mummy!”

And, with one last breath, she took his hand.


End file.
